Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
