yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
