We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
