No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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