Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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