that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
