I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
