Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
