even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize