if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
