She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize