Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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