HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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