just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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