she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
