I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
