you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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