Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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