The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
