Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
