I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
