her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
