He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
