I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
