Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
