I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
