Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
