Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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