just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
