Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
