Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
