so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
