You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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