I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
