He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
