I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
