nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
