Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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