You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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