I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
