The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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