After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
