he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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