Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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