Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
