you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
