Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
