You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
