So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
