some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
