when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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