I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
