I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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