Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
