it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
