you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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