I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
