There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
