What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
