smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
