the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
