fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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