I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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