she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
